I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
