so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
