Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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