Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
