How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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