I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
