Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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