My room smells like vodka and shame
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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