Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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