guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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