She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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