There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
