help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
