you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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