I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
