He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
