yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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