My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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