I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
