i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love having hate sex.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
