Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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