would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
