make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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