at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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