Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
