Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
