I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Randomize
