Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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