You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
