had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
