She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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