if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This house was built for laser tag.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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