Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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