ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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