My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
