So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
