I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
