I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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