Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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