How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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