Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You took a bar mat shot.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
