Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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