the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
