Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
