Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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