I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
