just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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