Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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