the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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