i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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