your room smells of hookers.
And success
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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