yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
