May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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