You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
