just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
