remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think my moral compass just broke
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
